no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
