even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
