Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
