He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
