You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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