She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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