im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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