He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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