That's intense
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
