I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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