I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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