Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
