I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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