i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
