How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
