I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
