How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just invented taco cereal.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
