The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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