My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
