i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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