so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
