My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
