How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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