My room smells like vodka and shame
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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