bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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