my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
