I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
