It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
worst night to have a conscience
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Two words: blizzard sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
