what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize