and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
