Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
