I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
