Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
