i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
