i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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