Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
id be glad to
He kissed a someone with a penis
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
