you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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