you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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