Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
