Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
