Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
