and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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