I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
