Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
