It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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