sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize