Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
