Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My balls are so social today.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
