i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
