By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize