Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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