make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
