I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize