You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize