His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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