ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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