Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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