she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
