i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
