i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
